Impetus Coaching

Great leadership is all about having a miserable team, according to the chap whose job it is to make sure our schools are being run properly.

A good headteacher would never be loved by his or her staff, Michael Wilshaw, the new Ofsted chief told The Guardian: “If anyone says to you that ‘staff morale is at an all-time low’ you know you are doing something right.”

This left me squawking in indignation. I am choosing not to indulge in a rant right now about the influence this man has on the culture in which we’re educating our young people. Neither will I list the successful and happy schools I have worked with where both staff AND students, openly display genuine affection, respect and (yes) love for their head.

Instead, I choose to whack Sir Michael over the head with some cold, hard science.

Today, my friend Kimberley Hare at Kaizen Training published a piece describing  “crystal-clear research evidence from around the globe  – people who are happy at work produce more, think better, solve problems more creatively and effectively, take less time off sick, and collaborate better with colleagues and customers.  There is a real bottom-line pay-off”.

That sounds like a great place to teach and learn to me.

According to a decade of research, to ensure high performance in your team (which could well be a school)  it is necessary to pay attention to the ratio of positive and negative interactions taking place. For every negative experience or interaction, it takes around three positive interchanges to tip the balance back into a resourceful and happy space where teams perform well.

Head over to Kaizen for the sources.

In the meantime, if I were to have Sir Michael”s attention, I’d urge him to reconsider his views on what makes good leadership, and pay attention to the likely effects of low morale  amongst the teachers we’re relying upon to engage, inspire and encourage our young people.

I’ve been wrestling with one of those 4am problems. It’s frequently waking me up in a cold sweat. In those dark nights of the soul, the problem assumes the proportions of a large and unfriendly dragon, breathing icy fire down my neck.

The dragon is so intimidating, unmanageable and downright nasty I am forced to practise the ancient and sophisticated art of avoidance. Tame the dragon, or check my email? Tame the dragon, or do the washing? Tame the dragon, or read the newspaper? Erm, let me think…

And so the hour, days, and (let’s be brutally honest) weeks pass. With neglect, the dragon grows wilder, with sharper claws and rancid breath. Then a compelling event countermands the strategy of avoidance (ancient and sophisticated though it may be).

Sometimes it’s a deadline, an ultimatum or a catastrophe which provokes a change. On this occasion, it was the unsustainable consumption of illuminating concealer make-up that was required to disguise my panda eyes. Sleep deprivation had left me at the end of my tether.

So I take my dragon to visit an accredited dragon whisperer, aka my business coach. She asks a few simple questions about the size, characteristics and typical behaviour of my dragon. I am embarrassed to admit I’m so busy being scared, I haven’t thought to check whether the dragon is in fact really big, or just standing extremely close to me.

With a bit of poking and prodding, deep breaths and gnashing of teeth (mine), it turns out the dragon is small enough to fit in a gerbil cage. And not nearly as bad as I’d imagined.

The moral of this story is that dragons are helpful creatures. They pick up on problems early on, when we’re in denial phase. And they try to alert us. The prickling on the back of the neck, the quiet nagging of distant dread. If we get quiet and listen, dragons can help us avoid a lot of pain and sleepless nights.

When ignored, the dragon continues to pursue its mission to protect us. It gets all medieval and starts attracting attention through more draconian measures (4am awakenings and icy fire breath). Which, ideally, are to be avoided.

The trick is to get quiet and listen. So to ensure proper dragon husbandry, I’m spending more time sitting in the coffee shop thinking, with the companionship of my journal. Rather than busying myself into denial and avoidance, and trying hard to make sure my dragons stay small and friendly.

If your dragon was currently trying to tell you something, what would it be?

“Every morning, while I’m brushing my teeth, I think up tricky questions for myself”. So says Elouise, one of our Oxbridge Interview Success students.

Having developed a taste for delicious questions like ‘Is music a language?’, ‘How would the world be if ice didn’t float?’ and ‘Is torture ever morally justifiable?’, our students are encouraged to keep practising. And practising. With each other, with their teachers, and in the bathroom mirror.

Elouise’s tactics reminded me of a conversation I’d had with a massage therapist last autumn.

While he inflicts a world of pain on my exhausted body, I ask how I could maintain my physical resilience during the busiest times of the year.

Rather than attempting to sign me up to a year-long treatment programme, or sell me some magic potion, Mr Complementary Therapy says the best thing would be to do five minutes of yoga every day. “It’s the things we do every day that make the difference”.

The stroppy teenage part of me rolls her eyes. Of course I know yoga is good for my body. And of course I know that if my body is in good shape, my brain works better and my business benefits. Of course I feel great when I make it to a class. But quite often it’s all too much effort, especially when I’m busy.

And then the penny drops. It’s not necessarily making it to the class each week that brings the greatest benefits. It’s doing some yoga, even just five minutes, every day. It’s Elouise pondering something clever while brushing her teeth. And that’s easy.

Relatively easy. Sometimes I have to talk myself out of watching Masterchef in favour of setting out my mat. I bought myself some new leggings by way of sartorial encouragement. Classes are attended more regularly, and are even more enjoyable as my five-minutes-per-day practice has generated great progress on my ability to bend myself in half. The hump of inertia has been conquered, and yoga has become a habit.

Just as Elouise is unable to brush her teeth without pondering some form of brain stretching, I feel periodically feel compelled to roll out my yoga mat and do a double pigeon. Now, five minutes doesn’t seem like enough.

Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit”.

The question I am asking myself more often is, “What little thing can I do everyday that will make things better?”.

Talking with my coach this week, I was reviewing my (very successful) October. She asked me how I celebrated my wins.

When we’re on a mission to change, improve and excel, it’s easy to be tough on ourselves. We cross the latest hard-won win off the list and immediately launch into the next challenge. We want to maintain the momentum.

But constant striving and stretching can leave us with cramp in the brain! When we consistently replace ‘yes, I did it, check me out!’ with ‘ok, buckle up, we must crack on’, we miss the opportunity for a (completely legal and safe) drug induced high. Want some?

When we’re in ‘ok, buckle up, we must crack on’ mode, our brains release the stress hormone cortisol, which helps us deal with challenging situation. This is effective and powerful in moderation, but it’s counterproductive when administered in large doses.

When we allow ourselves a bit of ‘yes, I did it, check me out!’, our brains kick out dopamine. This is the legal high, scored by luxuriating in the afterglow. Dopamine is the reward chemical which makes us feel good, helps us remember better, and encourages us to keep doing whatever we just did.

And it’s a fantastic means of rationalising a day at the spa and a modest Oxford Street shopping expedition. My coach pointed out that while the spa is great, rewarding yourself with something tangible that you can ‘peacock’ about in, is a reward that keeps giving.

Calls to action:

1. Rather than crossing tasks off your list, give yourself a smiley face or a gold star.
2. High fives and/or skipping around the room and/or standing on a table and/or singing and/or provoking a round of applause also works.
3. Try doing something you wouldn’t normally do. Read the paper in the bath, or go for a walk while listening to your favourite album.
4. For big wins, or a collection of little ones, a more substantial treat may be in order. Pick something that will be a continual reminder your brilliance. Every time you slip on that new jacket, see that beautiful new notebook, or listen to that CD, you’ll be reminded of how superb you are.

Praise breeds success, reinforces positive beliefs and encourages our brains to work better. Go on, you know you want some.

Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. We’re left not knowing which way is up. Or down. How do we decide what to do?

One option is to consult the wisdom of a trusted adviser. Someone who has overflowing bucketfuls of experience, wisdom and judgement. They might be an international superstar in their field, or a trusted friend.

So what happens if we don’t have Steve Jobs on speed dial, or Mariella Frostrup living next door? Or perhaps our coach/boss/partner/Great Aunt Maud is otherwise engaged?

Well, we simply imagine what they would say, if we could ask them.

The thing is, our very own brains do know the answer. We all have immense amounts of resourcefulness, creativity and ingenuity bundled up inside us. The trouble is, sometimes we’re so tangled up in our own stuckness, the cunning ideas are reluctant to emerge.

So we ask the question: “If I was Steve Jobs/Mariella Frostrup/Great Aunt Maud, what would I do/ask/say/see/feel?”

The “if” gives our brains permission to enter a parallel dimension. We’re unfettered by stuckness. We also borrow the faith we have in our trusted adviser and apply it to ourselves. And then our resourcefulness is unleashed.

When stuck:

1. Believe there is a new way of approaching the situation and be open to finding it

2. Consider who would be in your fantasy advisory board.

3. Ask the question ‘If I was (person X), what would I do/ask/say/see/feel….?’